It is almost that time of year- the Top 100 Sex Bloggers are being nominated! That usually means there are a few more eyes than usual on our sites as people scope out their favorite bloggers to nominate. I thought if there are any new readers- or those of you who have been long-time readers coming over for a quick refresh- you might be interested in a list of some of my favorite posts from this past year. So let’s get started!
This post details how I view relationships through the lens of non-monogamy. I talk about my personal relationship orientation- solo-poly, and then detail some of my “relationship tenants.” These ideas are the foundation of how I relate to people and view romantic and platonic relationships.
Non-monogamy- Polyamory: I cannot imagine being monogamous again. Once I learned about non-monogamy, I immediately knew it was for me. I can never turn back. Learning that this way of relating was actually possible, and it’s something “people do,” turned on a bright light in my head and heart. I knew this was what I had been searching for, without even knowing I needed it.
I started to think about the things I wish I had known when I first started this journey. Things I eventually learned and found helpful for me on this road. It can be intimidating to come into this style of relating, and I wanted to share the toolkit of things I think people need to know and consider when they start out.
Learn to identify your wants and needs and know the difference.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Not every relationship will be the same.
Take time to feel the feels.
Learn good relationship skills
I am a well-worn traveler. From 2015- until August 2020- I didn’t even live in the US (the country of my citizenship.) I traveled the world and in that time, lived in or visited more than 65 countries. I also learned about non-monogamy and polyamory along the way. So it just seemed logical to use the analogy of polyamory to describe my relationship with the city of my heart- Berlin, Germany!
When I am not there, Berlin looms large in my heart and mind. I often compare my current situation to Berlin and how I feel there and the experiences I have when I am within those city limits. I make plans for my life based on when I expect to be there again. I may be in a relationship with the world, but Berlin is my primary partner.I am going to Costa Rica for Christmas and January, but I didn’t decide when I would go to Costa Rica until I knew I had my trip to Berlin settled. Costa Rica, Colombia, and even my current hometown are all secondary partners. Their needs or my need for them comes after Berlin in every way.
I love orgasms. I mean, who doesn’t? But if your sexual encounters are only about the end result- you miss so much in between. You miss out on so much fun, intimacy, excitement, and more.
I love sexy dirty messy and often kinky sex. Even things that don’t necessarily give me orgasms. I ENJOY those things, I enjoy the play, I enjoy the talking and laughing and interactions. I might come, I might not. But if I don’t it’s totally ok! I am not here to chase an orgasm. I am here to have fun, play, enjoy each other’s bodies, do very pleasurable things.
Just the title alone makes me put this on the hits list! In this post, I actually tell you about how I organize my sex toys (I have a three-drawer system!) I Muse on why some men are intimidated by using sex toys in their sexual relationships, and I tell you about two of the most important items in my collection- lube and vibrators!
He was the first man I had dated in years who wasn’t polyamorous, hedonist, kinky in some way, or very open to those things. I had to learn how to help him be comfortable with using the toys if I want to use them. (I DO want to use them!) Honestly, I was so unprepared for his resistance that I probably didn’t do a good job.
This post came about because I had an appointment with a woman urologist who shocked me with her lack of knowledge and her attitude towards older women having sex. I just had to write about it.
She is a medical professional, yet she did not seem to know about oil and condoms. (See comment above about how we should be talking about sex more!) The theory we settled on is that she doesn’t think women who are experiencing vaginal dryness potentially due to menopause are having sex, let alone sex that would require a barrier of some sort.
As I grow in life, relationships, and my sexuality, I drive to always be learning. I try to always listen to others, research new concepts and ideas, and determine how I feel and fit into these things. When I ran across the term “Megasexual” I had to learn more. It sounded like something I could relate to, and it was!
Megasexuals are characterized as individuals who lack emotional [romantic- MY addition] connection toward any person or persons unless they first form a strong sexual connection with someone. The level of sexual connection it takes for an emotional bond to form is often dependent on the initial attraction to the person. It is an orientation that is not chosen but often discouraged due to sex-negative attitudes.- The Frisky Fairy
There are more- but this is not supposed to be a review of ALL the blog posts I have written this year- just some of the ones I feel represent me, my work, and the way I am feeling about it all in 2022. Check out the posts that seem to interest you the most. I’d love to hear what your favorite post of the year so far is!
Every few months (approx. quartlery) I write a post about the state of my polycule and what my polyamorous relationships look like at that particular moment in time. You can always see those posts (since the very first one) by reviewing the category- Evolution of a Polycule.
PS. I did the same kind of post on my see and erotica site- www.lustitude.com I actually did it for posts from the beginning until now, so there are many more on the list than here. Check it out if you like your blogs a little spicier!