Everywhere I look, all my favorite writers are talking about goals and plans for the New Year. I did a post about how far I have come in the last 10 years, but my “goals” section of that post was not very full. The thing is, I stopped making resolutions many years ago. At one point I “downsized” to One Little Word, and I was Determined, Hopeful, and Fierce over the years. But, even that small bit of being mindful and planning my year in advance has gone by the wayside.
When I was working a full-time corporate job and was an Ambitious Annie; goals, resolutions, motivational emails… all of these things were part and parcel of my life. But the woman I have become is very different. I’ve traveled to 85 countries in the past three years, everything I own can be packed in basically two suitcases, and I haven’t used a planner in at least 5-years.
But this year, I am feeling a bit of a change in the air. I am more optimistic than ever, (and believe me, I am a really positive person all the time!) I read once that it takes more time than we think to recover from a divorce and/or trauma. I think my relationship with an abusive alcoholic man ending after also suffering a few years of infertility took a bigger toll on me than I ever realized. I also started taking a low-dose depression medicine a few months ago and I am willing to be that is helping too.
Anyway, with this “wind of change” blowing through my mind, I have come up with a few thoughts and ideas for this year. I was happy to see that the Erotic Journaling Challenge was “Mindful.” It gave me a chance to be inspired to think about these things and make some plans for 2020.
One of the things Brigit mentioned was Core Desired Feelings. I had never heard of this idea, (since I haven’t been doing goals, resolutions, etc for years) but it resonated with me. I am a very touchy-feely person and I spend a lot of time thinking about how I feel and why. (Maybe that’s partly because I have to do that in order to manage my feelings in my multiple polyamorous relationships.) I did a search online for more information and I came up with a list. Now listen, this could totally change… I am not going to lie. This was a quick go at the idea. I tend to be able to do these things pretty quickly based on my gut- however, I reserve the right to make changes to this list at any time.
Core Desired Feelings
Present for me really works with the idea of being mindful and more purposeful in everything I do. I am moving into a new phase in my relationship with DJDM. Entwining our lives in a way I haven’t wanted to do in a long time. We want to create a life together that makes sense for us specifically, not just move forward on auto-pilot. That requires me to be present for all the moments, to really take part in co-creating our amazing life.
Sexual is something I have learned to accept about myself over the past five years. I am excited to keep loving this part of me and I want to feel sexual as much as I can. I chose not to use the word sexy because I don’t think it’s necessary to feel sexy in order to be sexual. Sometimes purposefully being my sexual self, in turn, helps me feel sexy. Being sexual is an idea I will definitely take the opportunity to explore and write about as the year goes on.
I think there are opportunities to be present while being sexual as well. I am looking forward to many amazing sexy adventures with my man and I want to be in the moment for them. I want to fully experience ALL the sensations and feelings. I definitely can commit to being present while feeling sexual. (This should also give me even better experiences to draw from for writing stories!)
Motivated is a feeling I have already been experiencing. I have been writing almost every day and posting to one of the blogs or the other. I have been determining what type of planner I am going to buy and how I will use it to manage my writing more productively. I really want to figure out how to get more writing done in general, but in particular, I want to grow my blog presence and get close to being finished with my memoir. Big lofty goals, but hopeful that feeling motivated and using my planner will help me reach them.
Artistic is a feeling I find difficult to uncover when I am not settled and have been pretty nomadic this year. But I truly enjoy paper creating and it is something that feeds my soul. In Berlin, I had two nice baskets of supplies and I was able to regularly get my “art” on. I have a full three months coming up in Medellin and I plan to take advantage of that time and find ways to be artistic and creative with my hands. (I am going to use my planner as an art journal too, that should help me be more creative and better organized!)
Love. I didn’t use the feeling “loved” because I don’t always need to feel loved to be happy or satisfied by my life, but I do want to feel love all the time. I love the people in my life, my boyfriend, my partners, my friends, my family, my city, my life, my writing… you get the idea. Pure Love. Feeling loved is part of that of course, and I already feel wrapped in love by DJDM and that’s when we are even far apart. Being close to him during this time will bring a whole new level of love to both of our lives.
This list is going into the planner I make and I hope to revisit this idea and these feelings throughout this year. I am even thinking that I might ask DJDM to think about his Core Desired Feelings too and we can keep them in mind together throughout the year and even use them as part of creating our new life together.
Lot’s of amazing bloggers are taking advantage of January Jumpstart- Jump on over and check them out!