Making Love and Other Violent Acts

We’re making love. I watch as DJDM covers my soft fluffy body with his lean hard one. His muscles are tense as he lowers his face in order to… Bite me! I laugh out loud, flip out from under him, and somehow we end up in this wrestling position. Neither one of us is willing to give an inch. Laughing, I look him right in the eye and growl. It’s a loud, animalistic sound. Full of passion and intent. I pull his head down to mine, my fingers thread in his hair and I kiss him. I almost die and go to heaven when he responds in kind, growling, pulling my hair, pushing me back over, and trapping me beneath him. When he enters me, it is rough, fast, primal and so deliciously deep.


Before we were done, I would be transported to a whole new space. Not sub-space exactly but a heady place with the same kind of feels. He crossed his arms over my head, pulled up as deep inside me as he could go, and fucked me, hard! I released my body over to him, relaxed completely into the moment and let his momentum swing my body back and forth with each thrust. My fingernails dug deep into his back and my head was gone to a place of intense pleasure and love.

Yes. Love. We were making love. Intense, deep, wild, sensational love. Love that suits us, suits our relationship. Love expressed by the incredible chemistry and passion we have for one another. You don’t think that’s “making love?” Fight me!

Our society has conditioned us to think that “making love” requires candles, soft music, romantic gestures, staring into one another’s eyes. If it is not EXACTLY like that, then it is “just sex.” But what if it’s not?

I like nice, romantic, and sweet sex (almost said “loving” but then that is giving in to the ‘other’ definition) as much as the next person… Nah. Who am I kidding? I don’t. Not really. I prefer fast, hard, deep, and supremely intense sex. If it’s with the man I love- so much the better! Should I feel less in love because we don’t burn candles, kiss softly, and touch each other gently when we make love? I think not!

Don’t get me wrong. We spend a lot of time being gentle and sweet to one another. He holds my hand when we cross the street, we snuggle on the couch, my head on his shoulder, him kissing my forehead with his arms wrapped around me. I sleep best when I am laying practically on top of his back while he sleeps on his stomach. We make dinner together, standing side by side, our movements’ instinctual and unique dance of shared understanding of our bodies together in a small space.

But sex? Our sex is not gentle. It is fast, rough, passionate, wild, aggressive, kinky, sometimes painful (YES!), and always incredibly hot. Spanking, fisting, toys, double penetration, poppers, anal, super-deep penetration… None of those words, in our society, describes love. But why the fuck not?  Believe me, I am in love with DJDM. I am in love with him like I have never been in love. So, what? So are all these so-called relationship experts saying I am a liar? Can I really be in love with him if we make love like we do and not like they describe “lovemaking”?

Some of the internet headlines I can almost agree with… “Making love is intimacy, opening up your heart, connecting to your lover…” YES, all of that! We just happen to do that in a way that makes the neighbors wonder if he is “Matando la gringa!” (Killing the gringa!) When he is deep inside me, his hard cock pushing up past my pubic bone, hitting my cervix over and over, I am staring into his eyes, and he is whispering over and over, “Rico mi amor, que rico, te amo…” We are making the most incredible love. A love that satisfies me like no one ever has. Fuck candles and soft music!


I always know when DJDM is getting us in the mood- he starts with Dave Matthews, always Crash Into Me. Then he works his way “up.” The music of our sex life is Guns and Roses- November Rain.  Jethro Tull- Locomotive Breath. Rolling Stones- Can’t Get No Satisfaction. Guns and Roses Radio on Pandora is our go-to sex music playlist. Hard fast music, screaming guitar solos, gritty lyrics… this is the perfect fit for us.

As I have grown into my own as a sexual person, as a polyamorous person, I have found more and more of our traditional cultural messages about love and relationships to be not only useless to me, but I’ve come to believe that much of it is actually harmful. These ideals often prevent us from becoming our true selves or cause us to stay in unhealthy relationships. Our society would have us believe that if we aren’t doing something “exactly like everyone else” or just as bad, “exactly like this ‘expert’ says” then it’s not right. You must be monogamous. There is only “one true love.” You must make love like this, otherwise, it’s just sex.

What’s wrong with just sex anyway? I am happy to have relationships that are “just sex” from time to time.

Wild, passionate, sexy, relationships can be lovely, satisfying, exciting, educational… so many good things. And if my relationship is one in which both people are in love and satisfied with the way we express that love sexually, what makes the way we have sex, less of making love than your way? NOTHING!

So, for all of my sexy people out there doing their own thing… Do You! Don’t let the bastards get you down. Find what works for you, communicate with your partner, and make love your way!


If you liked this post- you might also like this one:

I’m Good at Sex, It’s the Relationship Parts I Can’t Do



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14 Replies to “Making Love and Other Violent Acts”

  1. My personal experience with sex has been that it’s best when it’s “fucking” and “making love” rolled into one. (Does that make it “fucking love”? Or maybe “making fuck”?) The emotional connection goes deep{er} when it’s physically primal. Perhaps because we are trusting one another to ‘go there’ – to that open/vulnerable/trusting emotional space – while we are engaging in atavistic pleasure.

    Honestly though, that kind of sex is off the table for me now. Not because I don’t want to share that kind of experience with him, but because menopause has made everything involving penetration so horribly uncomfortable that it’s anything but connected and sexy.

    1. I like “making fuck”… Thanks for your comments, I am glad other people understand. I am sorry that this is off the table for you now. I hope it becomes an option for you again in the future. Light and Love

  2. Making love was what my ex called it and it certainly wasn’t all flowers and stuff. Our sex life sounds much like yours, sex and loads of it that is what making love should be about. Great post.

    1. Yeah, we just talked about this today- how we really need to have sex. It connects us so much and we have been feeling very disconnected and I know a good sexy hot fuck will help! Thanks for your comment! <3

  3. I had some very feathery- strokey Tantric style sex that just felt like it was in slow- motion… I wonder if (for me at least) that’s an ADHD thing? Love this post.

  4. I always think that violent, passionate sex is quite a loving thing. It means you trust someone. It means there are fewer barriers between you, fewer boundaries.

  5. I really like this post,. It sounds like you two have an amazing relationship and sex life. I agree that society has ruined a lot of things for us by saying what we should do and what is normal.

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