I originally thought I was going to want to talk about breaking up with Said in a few of these posts. We broke up the day after Christmas, after some lengthy back and forth conversations Christmas night and into the next day. I had a few really emotional days after that, and even last night when Dex brought it up and asked me how I was doing, I instantly had tears. But overall I am doing ok. I am sure I will have more to say and process about that, but all I can think about this morning – New Year’s Day, is how damn lucky I am right this very minute.
I have met two pretty great guys, in a new town, in a pandemic, just before the holidays. Neither of them has been in a polyamorous or open relationship before, but they are both, so far, champs at it! Like how does that happen? I don’t know but I am over the moon thrilled about it.
Boundaries
A few of the boundary-setting conversations we have had so far have been around when to tell each other about new partners, dates, friends… and how much do we all want/need to know about the other’s activities. Today New Guy #2 (NG2- who will hopefully be choosing his blog name today) and I will be chatting about communicating these things today. We set that stage in a text conversation yesterday because I told him I had a date last night- before I had asked him his level of comfort knowing what I am doing when I am not with him. I should have had that discussion first, so I apologized to him for that and asked that we have this conversation when I see him today.
Dex and I talked a little more about this last night. We had already established that if/when we started to see someone that we wanted to see MORE that we would tell each other, so I had planned to talk to him about meeting NG2 last night, but he beat me to it by asking right out if I had a date when I told him I had “plans” the other night. LOL But last night he told me that if I said “I have plans.” That would be enough for him, he doesn’t need to know more than that. He knows about NG2, knows his name, knows we’ve been intimate, and that I like him. That’s where we are with communicating about our other relationships. He told me about a gal who would like to be at the very least a sex partner of his, and we talked about that and some of his thoughts about it. I don’t think he is going to see her in the end though, because her sexual safety practices are not within his risk limits.
Dex
But let me just say this about Dex- I know I described him as Vanilla in this post, (Evolution of a Polycule- Year-End 2020) but I wanted to clarify that is not a bad thing, it’s a totally good thing because I enjoy being intimate with him. Over the past month or so, we hadn’t really seen each other much because he had COVID. So last night was the first time in a long time we had the chance to really talk, to spend some time together and to have sex. I don’t know if it was because he was sick and had time to think or what, but I feel like things went up a notch! Maybe even a few notches from the last time we hung out.
Our conversations were deeper, he told me more about how he feels about me (if I wasn’t polyamorous, he would be thinking “This is it!”) we shared music (I walked in barely knowing anything about his musical taste) and the sex? I don’t know what he was drinking I won’t complain if he were to drink more of it! WOW! It was great… his dirty talking game was ON, he was a bit bossy (what?! Drool), he made me squirt! I haven’t done that with another person in a long time! It was the best sex he and I have had yet! There is definitely something to be said for sex with someone you care about, with someone you know better and better. For me, sex is always better when it is with someone you feel close to, intimate with. Don’t get me wrong, I love random sex dates and occasional sexy fun with strangers, it’s just a different thing when there is a real connection.
New Guy #2
I saw NG2 two nights ago, and he is on his way here now. I keep listening for his car while I am writing this and rocking out to Fleetwood Mac. This will be our third date, but we have pretty much been conducting this relationship since the first date as if this were a relationship already. Talking about things in a future way, discussing what it can and will look like. OH, it’s tomorrow already- he arrived just after I finished typing that sentence.
What a great time! Talking with him is seriously complete foreplay. He is so smart and passionate and interesting. He also has never been nonmonogamous, though unlike Dex he is not looking for the monogamous dream of one woman forever. He is not 100% sure polyamory is for him forever either, but he loves the idea and he thanked me for being open to being with him while he “learns the ropes.” His head is definitely in the right space for this way of relating so that is already a great start. He, like me, believes he could be in love with more than one person at a time. I appreciate that he is not looking at this only as a “hook-up” or sex thing. That is certainly more along the lines of my philosophy.
I asked the name he wishes to be called online when I write about him and he is now officially, Lux!
For Now
So, here we are. I very blessedly started the new year out with some great sex and wonderful relating. I know 2020 was rough and 2021 is expected to be more of the same, at least for most of the year, so having this lovely beginning personally is going a long way towards adding hope to my outlook.
Today’s photo is of the main square in Poznan, Poland. I was there on a weekend they had a large food festival and every corner of the square had amazing food stalls and I got to try so many new foods! I stayed in the tiny green house in the back of the image.
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You might like this older post of mine:
Personal Relationship Growth- Autonomy
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This post is part of January Jumpstart. Click the badge to check out who else is starting their year off challenging themselves to post to their blog every day! There are some great sex-positive and sexy things happening over there you will DEFINITELY WANT to check out!
