It’s no Longer January

So- I wanted to do a little recap about January from all my January Jumpstart posts, but then I totally forgot in the rush of a big project at work and I don’t know if it’s the mid-winter blahs or some sort of pandemic wall, but I have been so tired these days. Which really sucks because I was feeling soo good and had so much energy that I was bragging about it to everyone. So I really notice the lack of energy this week. I had my period last week so I knew that was part of it, but this ongoing blah? Been here before and thought it was managed. Gonna have to keep eating better and trying to get more sleep and see if I can get some of that energy back.

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I was super excited to write a much as I did for January Jumpstart but I had kind of hoped to have more written, however since it was more than I had previously been writing I am going to call it a win. I have a couple of ideas for some new posts, just need to get that energy back. Feeling a little better today though, so this post is gonna happen! (I’ve been working on it for two and you see how short it is! LOL)

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So, let me quickly make an update on a few things I brought up in the course of my January Jumpstart posts. Lux, remember him? Super connected hot guy I really liked, but he met someone else he wanted to pursue? Yeah, him. He’s back!  I saw his profile on Tinder the other night and I was so tempted to text him. I even mentioned to my best friend about a week back that I missed him. He just ticks so many boxes for me.

Then crazy thing, HE texted ME the next day! It was so nice to hear from him. We went back and forth for a while, and I eventually asked him about the other woman. He said he would like to tell me the story in person. I was a little worried that he had not broken up with her yet, and if I saw him again (even in a “just friends” capacity) it was just going to make me like him again/more.  I even told him that. I told him I wasn’t sure if seeing him was a good idea, because I still liked him and when he broke things off with me, that sucked. (This becomes important later.)

I decided to risk it and go see him. (He asked me to come to him, which was also the first time he had done that. I was definitely interested in seeing his life.) He is no longer with her, but he also managed to not make me feel like I was just a rebound booty call. I think what we had and apparently still have is worth more than that. We had, as is usual for us, amazing deep conversations and some really good rough and tumble sex.

He shared with me some of his pain and discomfort from the relationship with this woman. He is still pretty big in his feelings. I held him and let him just be in his feelings for a while. He made me dinner and we enjoyed overall a pretty great time. As I left he hugged and kissed me and said, “Let me get my head on straight.” I was already there.

The next day we had a nice text conversation.  One of the things he said to me when we were together was how surprised he was when I told him that when he broke it off with me, it was sad for me. He said he had kind of figured since I had Dex, Lux moving on wouldn’t impact me too much. I tend to get a little teary-eyed and was definitely having feels while we were talking. I said to him, “See this? This is what I was doing yesterday when we talked, and I definitely hated when you broke it off.”

In our texts the next day, he thanked me for telling him. He said it helped him to understand things from my perspective a bit better. He asked me to keep talking to him about the polyamory and my feelings from my perspective and he thinks it will help him understand better overall. I promised I would try. I think I am so used to dating men who are already poly and KNOW they are special even if I have other relationships, I didn’t know I needed to be that clear. I should have. Now I will.

He did ask to see me this weekend and maybe a day next week while he is on work holiday. So, it might not be the smartest thing, because maybe he’s not ready, and I already like him so much, but I am going to try to see him and we’ll see where it goes. I also have to trust he knows his heart and mind and is ok with it too. So that’s what’s new! LOL Off on a new heart-risking adventure! Now I have to tell Dex tomorrow, that’s our agreement; when we decide we are going to date someone more regularly we tell each other.

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So one last photo from my travels. (I’ve been looking at so many these days in order to decide what images to print for my wall…) This is a temple I visited on my first trip to Bali. I love the way it came out in black and white.

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Here’s an older post you might like: One Tree, Not Two (Why I Never Want to Be One Tree)

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