Evolution of a Polycule- December 2022

So- here we have the final Polycule overview of the year. This has been a somewhat “slow” non-monogamy year. But that’s precisely why I write these posts. One of the stereotypes of polyamorous people is that they are constantly fucking everyone. But- that is not always true. There have been times when I’ve had quite a few sexual and romantic connections at once and times, like this year, where it was not quite as exciting as all of that. But at the same time, in the relationships I cultivate, I try to make sure they are intentional and meaningful.

So let’s get started then, eh?

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STEFAN

If you have read previous “Evolution of a Polycule” posts you might be familiar with Stefan. (…or if you have read any of The Sex Scientist Stories on my companion erotica blog, then you might know WAY more about him (and me) than you expected to connect to this post!) I’ve been seeing Stefan since August 2016. He is the person who first told me about non-monogamy and the first person I knew who practiced it. (We practice it differently- but he’s the one who got me here.) Because he lives outside of Berlin and I have moved back here to the US, obviously, our relationship is impacted by time and distance.

Like many other people in long-distance relationships, the pandemic meant, of course, we missed a year of seeing each other. But we’ve been fortunate that in the past two autumns, I have been able to travel to Berlin, spend time with my friends, and get to see him. This time our visit was so much more… more—more everything. Even before I got there, I could tell he was missing me. He was showing me in so many ways that he was feeling an emotional connection to me getting there and us spending time together. That made me anticipate our time together in a different way than usual too.

Our time together didn’t disappoint. It was more emotional and more connected than ever. Even the sex we had was different and much more intimate in many ways. I mean, kissing hasn’t been a thing for us in many years, but this time we couldn’t kiss enough. We made out like teenagers. We made out while he was fingering me. We made out while he was fucking me. We made out on the street when we first saw each other. I mean… kissing! So much kissing!

We even had the chance to see each other more than once a week (which has always been our usual- even when I was living there.) I was staying with one of my friends instead of his usually empty apartment this year. This meant we had to alter the place we had our dates- so we booked these Day Time hotels. They were high-end-ish downtown hotels that allowed you to book between 4-8 hours during the day.

We never really gone on dates. We usually spend the time together in a sexy, intimate cocoon. This year we’d met at one of the hotels. I’d bring some snacks, and he’d bring coffee or other goodies. I usually had a bag full of goodies- toys, a vape, poppers, and wine/prosecco—everything we might need. We spent our days naked, talking, laughing, kissing, and fucking. It was beautiful, and it was so good for my soul. Every time we connect, it’s different, and it grows our relationship again. Holding us over until the next time.

Already we’re looking forward to next year. Just a few days ago, he said, “It’s not so far away anymore.” On a separate note- I have a few stories to write about our visit on my erotica blog- so check that out in the next month or so. The Sex Scientist Stories

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BFF

As always, my BFF is noted on the polycule. As she is my life partner. Since moving back to the US, I have lived with her or now within 1.5 miles of her. This gives us many opportunities to hang out and enjoy each other’s company. I had really missed those causal hang-out moments while I was living so far away for so many years. After 30-plus years of friendship, moving forward and doing life so close to each other is a fantastic accomplishment.

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STEPHANIE

Stephanie is my new friend with benefits. She is the first woman I have been involved with in a singular relationship. It took a bit of time for me to figure out my feelings and what I could offer in this relationship. Thankfully, even though her feelings are a bit more romantic than mine, she is also very self-aware and knows herself- so she agreed to accept what I could offer.

She is pretty great! Smart (she has a Ph.D.!), sensitive, and understands herself and relationship dynamics. And whoa! We have fantastic chemistry in the bedroom. I’d never had sex with a woman outside of a threesome until I met her. She is very much into women but doesn’t have much experience either… but what we lack in experience, we def make up for with enthusiasm.

Right now, we’ve settled into seeing each other about every two weeks. We chat by text during the weeks in between. I am looking forward to seeing how our friendship grows.

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POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP

So I met this man. We’ve only been on one date- but it was SOME date! He is handsome and intelligent, and he was so excited to be out with me, it made me feel fabulous too. He and his wife have been swingers, ENM, for quite some time. For a long time, they only played together, but his wife developed a nice relationship with someone they had been seeing (He is also now best friends with the guy!) So she sees him alone. He realized that he doesn’t just want to hook up with people, rather he would prefer to develop a relationship with someone he is interested in seeing. They agreed to a more connected style of dating other people alone.

I am the first person he has been on a date with. We talked and laughed at a local dive bar near me. We returned to my house to have a glass of wine… and well, yeah. Most enjoyable sexy times also happened. We’ve chatted a few times since, and both agreed to see each other again. Of course, as is expected in a marriage with children and a job, his schedule is much crazier than mine. So we will work with his availability to schedule another date.

I am looking forward to it immensely.

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Well, there you go. The final round-up of the changes in my polyamorous constellation for this year. I hope it’s helpful for others to see how polyamory can look for other people. Every person practices polyamory differently, and the way your polycule looks and develops will be different than mine. But I hope it allows people to see how it can grow and change (or stay the same) over time.

To see past “Evolution of a Polycule” posts. Click on those words.