Oops, I just realized I am overdue for my quarterly Polycule Polyamory update – though some days, I think I am speaking into the void as blogging has changed so much just since in the last few years. But it’s important to me, and I like tracking the changes- so I will keep up with it!
As always- we start with Stefan! And as you can see, we’re ending with him too! If it weren’t for him – this update would be pretty dull indeed. I just saw him in Berlin. I was there for five weeks over September and part of October. We saw each other, I think, 6-7 times. Which is better than our usual once a week. Building up to my trip- things felt different with him. In a good way. He was making it very clear that he missed me and was looking forward to seeing me. Not that he doesn’t usually get excited when I am about to visit, but this time, it felt different. More like he really had been missing me and was especially excited to see me.
That felt good. It felt good to know that after six years together, close to four years of long-distance, we are just as excited to spend time together as ever. I think it’s a case of the best of both worlds. We have a comfort level with each other that is so ingrained now. He is a safe place, something I know and love. We know each other so well; there is laughter and ease right away! We know each other’s bodies and what we like. There is a comfort in that knowing, a relaxation you don’t have when you meet someone new and are still learning each other. But then we also have the excitement of only seeing each other once a year and in a limited way. That adds excitement, a new feeling. It’s like we have New Relationship Energy every time we see each other.
The sex was as amazing as ever. The chemistry we share is unlike any other relationship I have ever had. And this time, it was also more romantic and intimate in a softer, more emotional way. It started with that feeling of him missing me more before I even got there, and he confirmed it right from the start. He waited for me outside the hotel (His apt -where I usually stay because he now lives in the countryside with his girlfriend and their daughter- was unavailable this year. He had opened it up for a young Ukrainian woman and her two little kids.) I stayed with friends the whole visit, so we booked day-use hotels and spent the days we met cocooned in our own little world. The bed, snacks, some weed, some drinks, and lots of intimate time together. (That’s kind of how our relationship has always gone. We spent our one evening a week together, phone off, naked in his apt, just us in our little world. It has always worked for us.)
The first day we reconnected, we made out like school kids. I swear to you, I cannot remember the last time kissing passionately was a part of our sex life. Say what! You ask? Some people cannot imagine not kissing, but our play has always been a bit different. When we were ready to “get down to business,” he would say something like- “OK, so what are we going to stuff inside you tonight?” There was none of that this time.
There was making out and a lot of it. There was him fingering me in a way that actually made me come, not us jumping to fisting (which I love, of course, but this was a whole new thing for us!) After the first two visits, where we played with my toys and did some of our usual fisting, etc, we pretty much set that aside and had “more or less” ‘normal’ sex. Yep. Kissing, looking at each other in the eyes, lots of orgasms. It was a whole new relationship- again. The last time we were together was sooo great, once we could catch our breaths again, he high-fived me and said, “We’re awesome!” LOL
I think that is one of the joys of a long-distance relationship. You can almost have a new connection every time you get the chance tobe together. I was so thrilled, and I still feel those happy thoughts thinking about this visit and how lovely it was. After six years and sooo much time not together, it is always lovely to not only know how he feels but to have had him actively demonstrate it as clearly as he did this time. It was special.
And there you have it. My current polycule. This is where I mention that just because I am not dating more than one person right now doesn’t make me any less polyamorous. It just means I have yet to meet my people. I’ve only lived here for two years. From experience, it usually takes at least that long to find your people and start having a fuller community and social circle. But my first year was still a strong pandemic year- and there wasn’t much going on by way of meeting people. So it is all still new here. I am not worried,
I have been on the apps and, generally, connecting with more people. That has only recently started to translate into more dates. Of course, more dates often mean more shenanigans. I sent a man a “people don’t get to treat me this way, thanks for playing” text today. Another one blew me off two times with what seemed like decent excuses, and now he is scarce, and I doubt there will be an attempt at a third. But I went on a date I had little expectations for and ended up genuinely enjoying his company, and I’m looking forward to seeing him again and seeing if there is a building attraction. I even went on a date with a remarkable woman, smart, sexy, and well-spoken, and we have plans to see each other again this week.
So, I don’t expect the polycule to stay so blank for very long, but sometimes not being in relationships (locally anyway) is an excellent chance to enjoy my own company for a while, and that has been nice too.
My BFF is also on the chart- she is the only true constant- and I have become crazy plant ladies and spend plenty of Saturdays running errands and checking out the local nursery for new plans (like we need more!) We recently decided that maybe we should switch our Saturdays from running errands in sweats and getting home by 6 pm to dressing up and going out AFTER 6 pm! I don’t know- that feels like a radical act, but we might pull it off once or twice and see if it’s worth giving up the comfort of yoga pants and curling up alone with a good book and a gummy on Saturday evenings.
You can read more about the super-hot sexy relationship I have with Stefan on Lustitude. Check out the “Sex Scientist Stories”– they are all about him!
You can also read more of the past Evolution of a Polycule posts. You can see how things ebb and flow in my polyamorous relationships.